A Tale of Two Families

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,..............". These are the opening words of Charles Dickens' "A Tale of Two Cities" as he wrote about the triumphs and struggles of the human emotions and reactions related to the period of time just prior to the French Revolution.

These same words could also be used to tell of the triumphs and struggles of the human emotions and reactions related to the period of time when a loved one requires nursing home care.

I was reminded of this recently when I received two polar opposite letters from the family of two different residents of Kirkhaven. The first was hard to take and it clearly illustrated a family struggling with the challenges and emotions associated with watching their father age and dealing with the medical acuity and failing health related to the aging process.

• "Your facility appears to function without a shred of loyalty, compassion and communication."
• "Kirkhaven could care less about the residents and it's sense of professionalism."
• "Kirkhaven certainly does not operate as a family institution."
• "It's all about the MONEY."

These are just some of the quotes the writer used to share their concerns and issues related to the care their Dad received while he was a resident at Kirkhaven for 7 years. Seven years translates into 2,555 days of care or 61,320 hours of care. A long period of time, however you choose to define it, and a period of time undoubtedly filled with both triumphs and struggles for all parties.

What a shame that the last few struggles weigh the heaviest on every one's mind. Could we have been more attentive and sensitive to the resident's and family's needs? Could the family have been more understanding and sensitive to the issues? I'm thinking yes to both, but it isn't always easy to be a family advocate or a caregiver when dealing with the challenges of aging.

And then I received the second letter from another resident's family, which clearly illustrated an entirely different perspective and opinion related to the care Kirkhaven provides.

• "When I visited Mom, I was so pleased.......she was clean,calm,appeared contented. She was clearly enjoying her life."
• "I believe Kirkhaven gives Mom the best quality of life she's capable of having at this stage of her life."
• "Mom's caregivers at Kirkhaven are taking the time, interest and patience to really know and care for her."
• "Thank you for helping us through this transition. Words alone cannot express how grateful we are."

Those are just some of the quotes this writer used to share their joy and gratitude for the support and care Kirkhaven has provided during a very difficult and challenging time with their aging mother. The need for her to move to a nursing home was initially accepted with fear and anxiety, but now has brought them peace of mind.

Two completely opposite letters. Which accurately reflects the true Kirkhaven? Perhaps it isn't really about Kirkhaven at all, but more about the the normal emotions and reactions to life and the aging process.

Yes indeed, Charles Dickens had it right. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times!